March 2012
oh god Hunger Games why
captainlanta:
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME
OH GOD
MY HEART
Muhaha
Dragon Age According to Mom: i cannot my life →
dragonageaccordingtomom:
[To set the stage: I decided to go home for lunch because I didn’t want to pay money for a salad. As I pull up to my house, I notice the driveways is full of cars, which is a bit unusual. I park, get out, go inside. My mother is in the basement.]
Reg: …mooooom? Mom: We’re in the basement! …
February 2012
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Bathed in Stone
fuckyeahawesomehouses:
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Woman: Can I have birth control?
Government: No.
Woman: I got pregnant because I didn't have birth control and I don't want the fetus. Can I have an abortion?
Government: No.
Woman: I gave birth to my child but since I wasn't expecting it, I can't afford daycare. Can I have help paying for it?
Government: No.
Woman: Well, why can't I have birth control?
Government: Because. Sex isn't for recreation.
Woman: It can help regulate my period and benefit me in other ways.
Government: Too bad.
Man: For no reason other than for recreational sex, may I have birth control?
Government: Do you have a penis?
Man: YES, YES I DO!!
Government: WELL HOWDY, VALID CITIZEN. You can buy condoms by the dozens. Here, here's a pack of special condom for "His Pleasure." Oooh, these come in different colours and flavours. Here, try these. They have ribs on them. And this one glows in the dark!! LOL OMG DICK LIGHTSABER!!
Government: But seriously, you're a man. You can do what ever you want.
Woman: But-
Government: Shut up, you sinning, freeloading hussy.
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I'm bisexual, not a unicorn. I shouldn't have to...
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The beginnings of the American Revolution,...
BRITISH EMPIRE: All right, fine, your stupid embargo worked. We won’t levy any more taxes-
AMERICAN COLONIES: Huzzah! Time to get drunk!
BRITISH EMPIRE: Except on tea.
AMERICAN COLONIES: What?
BRITISH EMPIRE: Get over it, it’s just tea. Seriously, where do you get this idea that you’re special and should never have to pay taxes? We hope that idea doesn’t go on to infect your political discourse centuries from now.
AMERICAN COLONIES: We’re not buying your stupid tea.
BRITISH EMPIRE: Are you being serious right now? What are you going to do, just stop drinking tea?
AMERICAN COLONIES: Yes. We’ll drink coffee.
BRITISH EMPIRE: Do you even know what that is?
AMERICAN COLONIES: No, but we’ve heard it’s good and we’re feeling surly.
BRITISH EMPIRE: Fine, whatever, we don’t even care what you do anymore.
BRITISH EAST INDIA COMPANY: Actually, we are pretty much bankrupt, so you need to make them drink the tea.
BRITISH EMPIRE: Oh, for—just drink the tea.
AMERICAN COLONIES: No.
BRITISH EMPIRE: Do it.
AMERICAN COLONIES: NO.
BRITISH EMPIRE: Drink it.
AMERICAN COLONIES: Fuck you.
BRITISH EMPIRE: Drink it or we’ll punch you in the face.
AMERICAN COLONIES: *Boston Tea Party*
BRITISH EMPIRE: What the hell?
AMERICAN COLONIES: We heard it was Indians.
BRITISH EMPIRE: That’s interesting, because we heard it was a bunch of colonists wearing paint and dressed in costumes that were remarkably similar to what a crowd of drunks who wanted to look like Indians would assemble if the only supplies they had were found in an alley behind a bar.
AMERICAN COLONIES: You get all types in Boston.
BRITISH EMPIRE: …*Coercive Acts*
AMERICAN COLONIES: Oh, it is ON.
nightmarenurse:
tyleroakley:
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This is why I don't take naps.
expectations: I'm just going to take a quick power nap and I'll wake up refreshed and energized
reality: passed out cold for five hours solid, wake up not knowing what day it is or what the last meal you ate was
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Bathtubs for Bath Lovers
fuckyeahawesomehouses:
I have an RP character in my head who is now planning renovations. *sigh* ;)
If I Had a Nickel for Every Ferret Named BANDIT
captainlanta:
ferretorium:
tifuckany:
ferretorium:
I’d retire.
OR DRACO. ESPECIALY WHEN THEY AREN’T EVEN WHITE.
Oh my god, right?
This. This oh god a thousand times this.
The minute California lets me have ferrets, I am getting one, and I am naming it Bandit Moon JUST FOR YOU :P
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Reg's Mom and Vaughn
dragonageaccordingtomom:
Mom: [storms up from the basement, controller in hand] That dirty son of a bitch. Reg: [pauses, midtaste] Vaughn? Mom: HE OFFERED ME MONEY TO LEAVE THE WOMEN. Reg: Yeah, he’s kind of a dick. Mom: WHY DO I NOT HAVE THE OPTION OF CUTTING OFF HIS MANPARTS? Reg: …um. Mom: HE SHOULD BE HUNG. CROWS SHOULD PICK OUT HIS EYEBALLS. Reg: …you’re really upset. Mom: I RAN HIM...
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Reg's Mom and Zevran
skiesovergideon:
Mom: elf Reg: Zevran? Mom: pretty Mom: romance? Reg: Yes. Are you going to romance Zevran? Mom: y Mom: cn i still romance als? Reg: They get snippy if they’re in love with you and you’re caboodling with someone else. They make you choose. Mom: cant have 2? Reg: How would you feel if your boyfriend was caboodling with another girl? Mom: i c ur point Mom: how choose? Mom: hardets...